Kent Jennings Brockwell, co-editor
Earmuffs
In our office, between the squawking megaphone (yeah, we have one. I'm not sure why), the high heels on wood floors, radios, squirrels in the ceiling, the constant pinging of IM, the phones ringing, the office puppy whimpering, the running "Isn't he cute?!?" commentary about said puppy, etc. -- they should be issued.
Bottles of Aspirin/Vicodin
See above.
Jimmy Hoffa
Isn't there an FBI reward still floating around?
Rabid Ferrets
Imagine the "excitement" when the piñata finally cracked open. It would at least make the party more interesting.
A. Fuente Hemingway Masterpieces
At $15 a stick, my checking account says I can't have them. My cigar addiction says I need them.
Stephanie Brummell, staff writer
Keys
To the "pity-party" room of his dreams as an escape from any and all happiness in the air.
Tissues
To use in the "pity-party" room, whenever someone smiles, laughs or gawks at aforementioned puppy.
A blank dictionary, a copyright and a publisher -- rolled into one
For his metaphors. Because the ones he comes up with, even the ones I don't quite understand, are pretty gosh-darn funny.
A seersucker coozie
To compliment his seersucker suit and the activity he participates in while wearing it.
An increased sense of humor
As cushion for my first two statements -- in hopes of escaping out the door of Richmond.com unharmed and still employed.
Dionne Waugh, news writer
20,000 empty bottles of booze
Jack, the Captain, PBR. Kent's not picky and hopes you aren't either since he's already consumed all the alcohol.
Flip flops
Given his weekly hikes to work from Grace to Main Street, the man will soon need a new pair that's more than a sliver.
Cigars
Why kill yourself slowly when you can do it in bulk?
Kittens
Because those little buggers can claw before they can even open their eyes. They think it's time for payback!
$1 bills
Because even though Kent may be getting married, he'll never give up his ladies.
Karri Peifer, co-editor
Empty liquor bottles
Lots and lots of them.
Joy
If he hates a bull horn then he's clearly lost it.
Country Music
Really weird, old country music.
OTB Betting Slips
Losing ones.
My last Top 5
Because I can't think of one.
Greg Hershey, arts and entertainment writer
Blow-up doll
Special Ed and the Shortbus
Birds and bees
A full bar
A smoking jacket