David Hylton, editor
"Well, there goes my child support payment."
Suddenly deadbeat dads will no longer try to beat the system; it'll just be easier to go to jail than fill up the 1978 pickup truck.
"I guess I'll switch to Jacks."
Gone are the days of Marlboros and Camel Lights.
"One day I’ll buy a Prius."
Since the technology is there, why aren't more hybrids made? And why aren't they more affordable?
"I hear Kroger O's are just as good as the regular stuff."
To afford a tank of gas, Cheerios' lovers everywhere will soon make the switch to the store brand.
"It's time to buy a bike."
If only Richmond had more bike lanes …
Kent Jennings Brockwell, associate editor
"Stop sobbing, you wimp. It's a Prius."
If you drive a hybrid and I overhear you at a gas station complaining about gas prices, I'll simply shoot you in the face, siphon the gas from your tank and set fire to your corpse and your wimpy little car. Seriously. I'm not joking.
"Heeeey daddy -- you looking for a good time tonight?"
Listen, I drive a SUV with a 21-gallon tank. I've done worse for $70. Me love you long time. Cash up front. No kissing.
"Hey buddy! You like this watch?"
It's a Timex and it's worth dozens!
"The world needs ditch diggers too, son."
College is overrated and your wife probably drank during the pregnancy anyway. You should have thrown Junior in the dumpster when you had the chance. Fill 'er up!
"Ramen, malt liquor and pork rinds, oh my!!!"
Actually, I already eat like I'm a white trash meth junkie. My grocery list won't change at all.
Karri Peifer, arts and entertainment writer
"How much is a GRTC bus ride again?"
A GRTC bus ride might be affordable, but according to the trip planner on its site it would take me 50 minutes to get work if boarded the bus by my house at 8:45 a.m. By car my commute takes less than 10 minutes. I'm not really sure if turning my nominal commute into a two-hour daily joy ride would be the best use of money.
"Who killed the electric car?"
Really, who did it? GM, Ford, the oil industry, all of the above?
"Why did I buy an SUV?"
Really? Why did anyone buy one? I can sort of see letting the people slide who bought SUVs before gas was $4 a gallon, but after? SUV sales may be down overall, but what the numbers don't tell is that several million people still buy the gas guzzling, environmental nightmares every year.
"Whatever happened to those weapons of mass destruction?"
Are they hiding in oil field somewhere?
"I love my Honda Civic."
That's what I say once a month when I put $30 of gas into my Civic. That's right, once a month. $30. And I drive to work, to the market on the weekends, home for lunch and anywhere in between. How do you like your SUV now?
Stephanie Brummell, editorial assistant
Mumbled Profanity
Self explanatory.
Spits and sputters
That's me pulling up to the pump after running on empty until the last possible second before I have to buy gas…again.
"I'm never selling my Celica…ever"
Why would I? So I can kiss my wonderful gas mileage goodbye? Negative. So tell me, how's that SUV working out for ya?
Metal on metal
I've seen it; people shaking every last little drop out of the pump. What do you think is going to come out of there?
The bat of an eyelash and unfastening of a shirt's top button
If it works at the bar for drinks, can it work at the pump for gas? I'm just sayin'.
Dionne Waugh, news writer
Expletive deleted
*&!@# Bush
Wheelies with an engine
"I'm gonna buy a motorcycle. Wait, it costs how much?!"
Wheelies without an engine
"I'm gonna start riding my bike to work. Wait, you mean I have to wear a helmet and still have to obey traffic laws like everyone else?"
Visa, Mastercard
Do you accept first-born children too?
Me laughing
To all you Escalade-, Range Rover- and Hummer-lovers, this one's for you. I may be paying more for gas too, but at least that price isn't equal to my monthly rent.
Christen Duxbury, editorial intern
"$18 for five gallons!?! Surely your kidding me?"
No I'm not. And don't call me Shirley.
"Selling your kidney for gas? That's an entirely different thing all together."
In unison -- "That's an entirely different thing."
"I've got to Concentrate...concentrate...c o n c e n t r a t e. Hello...hello...h e l l o?"
Echo...echo...e c h o...
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines."
"What's his problem?"
"Severe shell shock, he thinks he's Ethel Merman."
"You'll be swell, you'll be great, gonna have the whole world on a plate!"
Christie Newman, office manager
What the …?
"I only have a $100 bill and I still need to get cigarettes!"
To the guy behind you
"I have so many reward points that I am going on an African safari ... for a month."
Frustration
"Anybody got a lighter?"
To Yourself
"The gas station attendant isn’t that bad looking."
To the Cashier
"It only looks like monopoly money ...that is a great color on you."
Read more of our Top Five lists
w April 4: Things on our mind
w March 28: Signs of spring
w March 21: Things in our Easter Basket
w March 14: Things at the end of a rainbow