Karri Peifer, co-editor
"Sex in the City"
Remember when the HBO show first aired? The female bonding, the martinis, the zany fashion … it was enough to make a girl, let's say a young 20-something Richmond girl who was trying to find her style, lose it at little bit. The show may have caused said girl to parade herself through the Fan District wearing nothing but men's boxer shorts and a faux-fur evening wrap. Or maybe she wore clear, plastic, platform sandals, knee-high socks with cut-offs, giant gold hoop earrings with the word "sexy" welded into the center; or wife-beaters to work, or cowboy boots -- with an evening gown, or a rotating assortment of bandanas and cowboy hats.
Mock Turtlenecks
A mock turtleneck is hard for anyone to pull off. On men, it's impossible.
The side ponytail
Why did I do it? Why, why, why?
Blue mascara
Or any color mascara for that matter; it's just wrong.
Shoulder pads
Especially in giant, over-sized blazers worn with leggings and flats. Thanks to "Beverly Hills 90210" and the film "Heathers" I spent my early high school years looking like a linebacker.
Christie Newman, office manager
Bras
If you have more than an A cup, you should wear one.
Mirrors
They were invented for a reason. Some people never look at themselves before they leave the house.
Thongs
If you can’t wear one on the beach, check yourself when you bend over in pants because the entire world can see it.
White pants, dresses or shorts
They DO sell white underwear but apparently not many people buy them.
Sandals
If you don’t get a pedicure regularly -- don’t wear them. (Men too.)
Dionne Waugh, news writer
Low Cut
When a shirt is so low, not short, but low, that I can see things I shouldn't, it's a mistake.
Crocs
I do not care how comfortable you say they are, you still look stupid when you wear them. And if you put them on a small child you're just mean.
Makeup
It's supposed to cover up or enhance, not make you look like a hooker.
Nice
They're called nice restaurants for a reason; your clothing should reflect that.
Underwear
They're called underwear for a reason: they go UNDER your clothes. Otherwise, you look like a hooker.
Kent Jennings Brockwell, Black T-shirt Connoisseur
Paying $450 for a bag...
...which you will fill with greasy makeup, sticky lip balms, drippy pens and other vials of various viscous fluids. Your retort: "But it's pretty!" Jack Nicholson was right about "reason and accountability."
The Big Mac
Coupled with spandex and listlessness, it's a perfect storm of fashion mishaps.
Primary colors
There are too many. If it were up to me, all clothing would come in white or various shades of soot. If I'm feeling generous, I'd allow olive drab. But only on Thursdays.
Zippers
I was four. I couldn't find any underwear. I was in a hurry. You would hate them, too.
Pamela Anderson and PETA
Do you know how hard it is to get red paint out of a full-length baby seal skin coat lined with Bald Eagle eyelashes? At least I could get it off my black rhino horn cufflinks and my lucky baby loggerhead flipper keychain.
Greg Hershey -- Emo
One: The merkin.
Two: The dickey.
Three: The tube sock.
Four: The tube top.
Five: The [bleep]tard. Defn. A leotard with a hole in the crotch instead of snaps so you can get some quick in and out action between ballet performances.
"Damn, that ballet was boring, but Jenny wore her [bleep]tard and said she would give me something if I promised to stay for the whole show. It was worth it!"
Six: The Chastity Belt.
[Editor's Note: We deeply apologize for Greg's mathematical ineptitude but he has six fingers on his counting hand so the "five" in "Top Five" just goes right over his head. We would fire him but he would probably sue us under the guise of some sort of physical deformity discrimination rule our lawyers don't know about yet. Sorry again.]