Leo -- July 23 to August 22

It's still your birthday month, Leo, so get out there and enjoy yourself. The lunar eclipse is going to mean fortune in your future, so why not enjoy it? Treat yourself to dinner, some new shoes and maybe a long weekend in the Outer Banks.

Virgo -- August 23 to September 22

Oh Virgo, you've always been thought of as someone who is generous -- with your friends, family and even random strangers on the street. But now it's time to start putting yourself first. Start saving for your dream house, pay off some debt and put yourself first. The stars indicate that you're going to need some savings down the road.

Libra -- September 23 to October 22

You can't always predict what will happen tomorrow so fight today for your right to party! Upon the golden scales you have to choose how you want the next week to play out. It could be like a song by the Boss (coming to town), or it can be like a song by Dave Matthews (from a nearby town). In other words, like Hungry Heart or like Under the Table and Dreaming.    

Scorpio -- October 23 to November 21

Your intensity can be both a blessing and a curse. For example, that voodoo-that-you-do did nothing but cause trouble for those closest to you (you know what I'm talking about). O Scorpio where is thy sting? If you just have to act that way, at least procure some anti-venom, something expensive, a splurge. It has to be Millie's.  

Sagittarius -- November 22 to December 21

You are profound, Sag -- profoundly intelligent, giving, cultural and loving. And yet this week, you're profoundly blue. Chins up, Mrs. Beagsley, there is hope to come. Just not yet … hold fast to your principles and your routine. You will weather this storm.

Capricorn -- December 22 to January 19

You are against the war. The war rages on. You got hooked on the Terrapin Ridge Spicy Chipotle Sauce sold at Ukrop's. They discontinue it. You want to walk your dog off-leash in a Richmond city park, but animal control catches you and issues you a ticket for $250. You can't win for losing. Your only hope is to ignore the truth, Capricorn, which runs against your rational, methodical nature. Turn that goat into a unicorn for a short time, until reality gets back on an even keel.

Aquarius -- January 20 to February 18

You have been carrying someone else's water for too long Aquarius. Go to Mekong. Order the clay pot chicken and a few 33s. Soon enough, whatever comes up in your fortune cookie will no longer matter. But you still might want to throw some coins in the fish pond before leaving the restaurant. You just never know.

Pisces -- February 19 to March 20

All of a sudden, it seems that those of the other eleven zodiacal signs are looking at you in a strange way. You have Gold's Gym generated strength about you these days. It has become clear both to the world at large and to you, Fish King, that your astrological kung fu is far superior. Your Double Vengeance Stance is fearsome, your Burning Moon Fist lethal. You feel powerful enough to defeat your enemies -- doubt, fear and capitalism.

Aries -- March 21 to April 19

Poor Aries, your week to come will be like a scene from "The Breakfast Club." You are the misunderstood teenager and an important figure in your life, perhaps a boss or significant other, is the morally misguided authority figure. Hold on to your principles, you'll need them this week.

Taurus -- April 20 to May 20

Have you ever tried to hail a cab in this town? You are downtown, it's late and nothing is open. That's your fate, waiting on the universal corner in the Biblical rain, with no umbrella and improper footwear. Waiting, waiting and more waiting. And there you will stand until the clockwork of the universe moves itself forward a notch. Try not to panic, what will be is coming, like headlights through the rain, you see it. But just what is it?

Gemini -- May 21 to June 21

Gemini, no one seems to like you lately. Your enemies think you're too mean and your friends think you're too passive. One thing is sure; the stars indicate that you cannot win this week. This week, take a line from the playbook of the Emmy-award winning comedian Kathy Griffin and say, "suck it, all" and move on with your life.

Cancer -- June 22 to July 22