I've been to Munich. I've clanged glasses at the famous Hofbräuhaus Bavarian beer garden, and arm--wrestled strangers shortly thereafter. And I can tell you that running and German beer go together like Hacky Sack and gout. Well, until last Saturday, anyways, when I participated in Richmond's Oktoberfest 5K.

Organized as a fundraiser for Gesangverein Virginia, a German social and song club formed in 1852, the event was a briskly-paced pub crawl back and forth over the James River that ensured two things: 1) Everyone would be plenty hydrated, and 2) Sunday would be a waste.

So on Saturday morning, I laced my sneakers, grabbed a pad and arranged for safe ride downtown. I also had a pre-written letter with directions home to hand a cabbie just in case the Oktoberfest 5K defeated me. I just wished I also had that secret formula the Tri-Lambs used in "Revenge of the Nerds" to ace the drunken tricycle race.

10:45 a.m. -- Pound and ground!

I arrive to check in downtown at Stool Pigeons, one of eight River City bars participating in the event, only to see a guy already there in a "SEAL Team" shirt. Not a good sign. That's like being in a competitive Lamaze class against the mom from "Jon and Kate Plus 8." I'm with a rag tag group comprising my buddy Kent and a bunch of his friends.

Thankfully, it appears no one will be taking the running portion of the Oktoberfest 5K too seriously. But many seemed to have trained for the drinking.

We quickly register, grabbing our T-shirts, map and instructions. The $15 registration also includes a free ticket to the Richmond Oktoberfest in two weeks at the, but who can think about drinking now. By the way, here's something you won't see in the literature for a traditional (sober) 5K: "Use caution around curbs, cobblestone, steps, hills (up and down) crosswalks and traffic … and don't drink and drive."

And since we have a full team, our named is emblazoned on the back of the free T-shirt under the sponsors: "Team Drunkerrrtheneuw." This would be funny if I wasn't 30.

Soon someone yells "Pound and ground" -- and 300 participants are off. By off, I mean quickly drinking while standing still. The shotgun start format allows you to start at any of the bars, and we used the strategy of getting the running out of the way early.

Distance: 0K
Consumption: One bar, 20 oz.
Mood: Eager

12:14 -- I am Legend

If you ever compete in this 5K, I suggest plenty of light, watery beers. Coors Light. Miller Light. Heck, drink moonshine before you imbibe microbrew Oktoberfest beers. While Legend's seasonal brew is tasty -- and economical at $2 for an 8 oz. glass -- it started to boil in my stomach while crossing the Manchester Bridge back into the city.

We're now at our third stop, Penny Lane Pub, and we're clearly at the back of the pack, having been passed by runners with stopwatches and even walkers wearing fanny pouches. Except for the few times I head to run ahead of our group to ensure I would relieve myself in private, we've kept the methodical pace of an elephant walk. Fun fact: When the circus comes to town, the elephants actually walk over Manchester Bridge to promote their show. Now that's synergy.

Meanwhile, as the competition sweats through their Harps at the festive British pub and rugby and football matches play on the TVs, Team Drunkerrrtheneuw has a late entrant: My friend Kit, whose wife just had a baby a few weeks ago. She must be awfully proud -- Team Drunkerrrtheneuw is certainly happy for the extra liver capacity.

We've covered most of the race's distance, but only have an hour and 45 minutes until this thing "officially ends" to visit five more bars. Somehow I see us being the last ones to cross the finish line.

Distance: 4.7K
Consumption: Three bars, 68 oz.
Mood: Nervous

5:03 p.m. -- On a (spicy garlic) wing and a prayer

So, the race officially ended three hours ago, but we just came through the doors of the Shockoe Slip Buffalo Wild Wings, our final destination. I think we actually sprinted from Cha Cha's, which might have been a block at the most, and marked our first group run of the day.

Some of us are holding up better than others. Personally, my notebook looks like the mad scribblings of Kevin Spacey's character in "Se7en."

There are a few reasons for this:

• We stopped by Capital Ale House during Oktoberfest, which meant we were drinking very high percentage beers. Oompa music further fuels the frenzy. 
• At Richbrau, we played a coin-up video beer pong game and incorporated real-life penalty beers, which quickly got out of hand. This resulted in one female member of our team shouting, 'I can't feel my teeth! Or my gums!" 
• Some of our team members began impromptu, good-natured, competitive beer chugs at Cha Cha's.

My fiancé just walked into BW's to drive me home, and across the bar, I can see her looking at me the same way an alpha male father looks at a son who plays the clarinet. Not only am I wobbly and slurring, but my sweaty T-shirt is also dotted with spicy garlic wing sauce. I attempt to tell her that I just made golf plans for the morning, and she just nods and smiles. What a trooper.

Distance: 5K
Consumption: Eight bars, 156 oz.
Mood: Apologetic

Post-script:

I wake up at 8 a.m. on Sunday after 13 hours of sleep -- although I kinda remember watching "Project Runway" sometime around midnight.

I find my wallet, sneakers … and am glad to see I haven't been left with a "Dear John" note sometime during the night. That means the 5K was a success. According to Oktoberfest 5K organizer Greg Hennig, the event was also a success in raising funds for Gesangverein

And some even better news: "The Oktoberfest 5K will continue to grow to highlight the best of downtown, from restaurants to running -- cultural festivals to culinary feasts," Hennig said. Apparently we were supposed to end up at the Italian Festival at the end of the 5K, so maybe we didn't cross the finish line after all.

Next year's event is already planned for Oct. 3, 2009. That gives you 12 months to come up with your excuse.

Prost!